I am nervous about returning to work next week. This job is definitely an answered prayer, as we need the extra income for sure. But I worry about balancing work and family life once more. It was impossible to be successful at both when the babies were infants. Twin babies and 3-year-old take all of your energy, attention, and devotion; that is hard to do for a full-time mom, and nearly impossible, I think, for a working mom. Now that the girls are older and becoming more independent, I think it is more manageable. I will miss being at home with them and with Taran too, although I wasn't exactly the model stay-at-home mother. I've definitely gotten better at it as the months have gone by, but most evenings I am ready to put my feet up and pull my hair out! I hope that with less hours spent physically with my kids each day, the hours I do have with them I will treasure more and be able to devote all my energy towards them. I feel like this is how it was with Taran; I hope that the same will work with all three of them. I can only pray for the strength, wisdom, and patience to accomplish this, as well as the logistics (commute time, family routine, and so forth) to work out well. I fully acknowledge that the health of our family life, whether I stay at home or work full time, is dependent upon and because of Christ's grace.

One of privileges as mommy of babies are those sweet moments when they lie on my chest to sleep. Even though they are nearing 20 pounds, somehow they are not too heavy for my petite frame. I love inhaling their freshly-shampooed hair and holding their smooth, chubby little legs. Precious moments that I also shared with Taran, and ones that I will never forget.

I also get the craziest thoughts while drifting into blissful sleep with them. My latest is that my kids are like a cookie-brownie bar, with two layers of a cream - one in the middle, and one on top. The cream is delicate and fluffy, and very light in texture. These layers represent the babies - delicate and sweet, but not very durable and with many needs. Taran is the cookie foundation of the bar. He is the most durable, dependable, and independent of the three, and is indeed my little helper. As the bottom of the bar, however, he is the most handled and prone to the most 'damage' - between scraping him from the pan with the spatula to sitting him on the plate. I forget sometimes that he is only 4, and has unique needs, especially now as an older brother to two babies.

My prayer is that I'd be able to meet the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of all my children, and find a balance and harmony among all of us. God does not give us more than we can handle, and if he thinks I can maintain my precious cookie-brownie bar and give it all the love and attention it needs, then, by God's grace and through His strength, I can do it :)